I have been working on several different projects for the past couple of weeks. Including learning some new things for becoming an effective leader. Yesterday Reggie posted something that I’ve decided to make into a blog entry.
“Attention all people in a Leadership position…. You have a responsibility to lead your team, business, board (insert whatever you are supposed to be leading) by example. A true leader (who really cares about those they are leading) will have a do as I do lifestyle. Not a do as I say double standard. You are in that position to serve. Not be served. You are in a position to build others up. Not for others to stroke your ego and elevate you. You are there to help create the best results possible based on facts, logic & proven principles. Not create things based on your own personal selfish desires or agenda. You owe it to the people counting on you, to be the best YOU that YOU can be, in all areas of your life possible. If you don’t have your personal life together, it can and many times will, negatively affect your leadership abilities. So if you don’t have self control, ethics or morals, you probably should not be in a position where your decisions affect others. If you can’t walk your talk and lead by example… step aside until you can. If you have skeletons in your closet that are keeping you distracted, depressed, or in continual fear that people will find out about them… step aside until you clean your closet. If you find yourself not making positive changes because you are personally uncomfortable with the changes needed… step aside. If you are not willing to educate yourself as much as possible, before you make decisions that affect others, step aside until you are ready to do so. If you are challenged by other peoples success, instead of looking for ways to help them succeed, step aside until you can. If you are not willing to admit when you make a mistake and are not willing to help correct those mistakes.. step aside. What you want to do with your own life is up to you. But… when you are in a leadership position, it’s up to you to make sure what you do and how you do it, is best for those you are supposed to be leading. In today’s world… we need STRONG leaders that wake up excited to lead by example and serve. But unfortunately… we have too many people in leadership positions that are waking up just to be served…… Reggie Cochran
My 12 year old son has been in a training league for baseball sponsored by The Fellowship of Christian Athletes, or FCA for short. You can learn a lot from baseball, and sports in general.
1. If you don’t get it right the first time, you can try again.
2. Life is about learning new things, so don’t be afraid to try something new.
3. There are different players and different positions, we don’t all have to do the same thing. We can be different.
4. The pitcher will throw different ways. You don’t have to swing at every pitch. And in life, you don’t have to go after every opportunity. Pick what you like best and go after that.
5. Not all games are the same. And not all lives are the same. Don’t compare your life to someone else’s.
This picture visualizes 6:
Success will come to those who work for it. It isn’t given to you.
7. You can always come home, but not necessarily to stay put.
8. Teamwork allows the team to work at it full potential. Who is on your team? Like my friend Tammy Sellars says, “Teamwork makes the dream work!” Make sure you and your team are working together.
9. Don’t check out. The game isn’t over until it’s over. There are 9 innings, don’t quit at the end of the 8th. So keep on hitting until you get that Grand slam! You can do it! Just don’t quit!
Yesterday I said “Be positive! Find a way to be positive no matter the circumstances! Speak words of faith and life.” as a way to get your mojo back. Today I’ve had to evaluate if all the relationships I have are healthy or not. I have some people in my life that are not healthy. And it is because they are negative. Jon Gordon said “Being positive won’t guarantee you’ll succeed. But being negative will guarantee you won’t.” I have made up my mind that the plans I have will succeed. And that is the first part of guaranteeing that I will succeed. Of course there is more to it than that, but once I made the decision to be successful what I had to do became clear. I’m reading the book “Motivation Manifesto” by Brendon Burchard. One of the quotes in this book is this “Why do we allow others to control us so much? “We gave away pieces of our integrity in order to get along with others.” One of the ways we do this is to hang out with negative people. Why do we do this? I asked myself this today and I’ve been thinking about it. We do it for several reasons, in my opinion.
1. It is easier in the short run. Negative people won’t encourage you to change.
2. It is comfortable.
3. We are lonely.
4. We feel like we can help them. But the reality is, we can’t help anyone who doesn’t want help.
So what have I been doing?
1. I started making healthier friends. So what is a healthy friend?
a. He or she is mindful of what they say and do
b. They manage their lives instead of their lives managing them
c. They take time to take care of themselves: they eat right, exercise, and take mental health seriously
2. I started reading books that taught me how to take care of myself. And I asked my new friends what they were reading too. And to suggest books that would be good for me to read.
3. I started learning new ways to be healthy.
4. I started cutting people out of my life that chose to stay negative. It is one thing to be negative but wanting to and being willing to change. It is another thing to say you want to be healthy but be unwilling to change.
5. I cut out negative influences, such as the news. Now I do pay attention to news events that impact me or my family, but I don’t dwell on it.
6. I started doing things that I enjoy. That is why I started blogging. I enjoy this!
So, in order to be healthy, you will have to find the positive in life. Lots of medical studies have confirmed this. I’ve been told that I’m wrong by being so deliberately positive. This person says that life has problems and you can’t ignore them. I don’t ignore problems. But, I don’t focus on them constantly either. I simply have learned to deal with them as rapidly as they come up.
Living a healthy life has to start with eliminating the negative. You can do it!
About 10 years ago I lost my mojo. I was frustrated and just wanted to give up. My life was in a tailspin that I felt like wouldn’t come to an end. My marriage was incredibly unhappy. Support was sporadic. My four kids at that point were all less than 10 years old. All of them were dealing with developmental delays. One had been diagnosed with autism. And we knew that the oldest was also autistic, although at that point it was undiagnosed. I gave up and settled in my mind that this was how life was going to be. I began to homeschool my kids during this time and I was able to find some support from that. But even that was sporadic. Not everyone I discovered supports homeschooling kids with disabilities. But I did find some support. And a few people who encouraged me to push on. Those were the ones I leaned on. On the outside I was always smiling. Giving the appearance that everything was fine. But on the inside I was crumbling. I was getting sick so often. I was crying constantly at home. Sleep was almost non-existent. Depression was unbelievable. This would be the case until 2011. Finally, the day came that I couldn’t take anymore. It was fall, November I think, when I finally hit rock bottom. I was sick. And I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. On that day, I sat on my bed and cried. Actually I hit rock bottom. And it saved my life. That day I told God to either take me home to Heaven or help me get better. I started following Dr. Don Colbert that day and my life hasn’t been the same every since.
Crying out to God is something many have done. But only a few actually stick with it. What do you do when you’ve lost your mojo? How do you take your life back? This picture is a humorous way of dealing with this:
You have to decide that you are going to fight back. You may have to try some different things. But you can get your mojo back! So what are some things you can do?
1. Address the stressors in your life. Don’t pretend they don’t exist. In my life, one of the stressors was having kids with disabilities. I had to find some consistent support. And in time, I did. And over time I have developed some incredible friends who I jokingly tell they are “stuck with me.” These friends realize that I’m kidding over saying that, but also realize that I’m very serious.
2. Get a sense of humor. Learn to joke around. It is a great way to relieve stress which will help this.
3. Get a hobby.
4. Take an exercise class.
5. Hang out with healthy people. You will be like the five people you spend the most time with, so make sure that the people you hang out with are healthy: Mentally and physically.
6. Be positive! Find a way to be positive no matter the circumstances! Speak words of faith and life.
7. Use positive affirmations everyday! Speak them aloud. And frequently! At least once a day.
8. Eat healthy. Cut back on sugar. You will feel better and your mojo will begin to come back.
9. Read a book that makes you think! Currently I’m reading the book “The Motivation Manifesto” by Brendon Burchard. It is an amazing book! And is one I am recommending to everyone. By the way, you can learn from fiction too.
10. Learn about something that you are interested in.
11. Set some goals. Write them out! And be sure to put action steps with them and give yourself some rewards along the way.
12. What motivates you? Motivation comes from the inside. Not the outside.
You can come up with other things to do. This is a starting point though. You can get your mojo back because as Les Brown says, “YOU have greatness within you! Brainstorm on this and see if you can come up with other things you can do.
I am blessed to have some amazing friends who are also incredible leaders. Reggie Cochran is at the top of this list. But along those lines I have Bill Greenman, Alan Sickman, Chris Lianos, Dean Mathieson and some others as well. What makes them great leaders? Yesterday I spent the day thinking about that. Several things stand out. And it stems from a diagram I posted on the last blog entry:
On this chart there are different levels of leadership. From left to right, you have the Authoritarian leadership, followed by Participative leadership and finally Laissez-fair leadership. In authoritarian leadership, it is almost a dictatorship. But not completely. This is the leader who says do what I say. Period. Don’t ask questions. For some people, this type of leadership is needed. Especially for someone who has no experience in leadership. But then on the opposite end, you have the leader who isn’t a leader. I’ve noticed this especially among leaders who have no experience at all and who are learning. I have been this way. But then I started looking at what were my leaders were doing. Why were they such strong leaders? They don’t have complete control. But they do have a certain level of control. They lead by example and by giving suggestions as well. They work with people by teaching them what they need to learn. “Let’s try this… or this is a way this would work better.” For example, when I was first learning to be a network marketer (and I’m still very much learning), I had no clue as to what I was doing! But I did want to learn. And I was determined to the best leader I could be. Something that is still very much the case. Bill and Reggie are among the first I went to. Down the road I went to others. They led me to leaders such as Eric Worre and “Big Al” Tom Schreiter. They had me read books and watch videos that would teach me this. Basically, they taught me in simple ways to teach others. So that by doing this I could teach others to be successful. Reggie told me once that he could give me a fish or teach me how to fish. By teaching me to fish I could teach others to fish. That is being a leader who requires participation. There are times that I am “given the fish” but more often than not, I am taught to fish. In closing, I want you to consider this:
An effective leader will lead his team to success by being a motivator. That is what my own leaders do and they are incredibly good at it! Remember, as Les Brown says “You have greatness within you.” So go out and show it to the world. Until next time..